Saturday, February 20, 2016

How Spoiled Are Your Animal Companions?

How Spoiled Are Your Animal Companions?

Lower answers score higher.  Be Honest!  Your cat is reading over your shoulder.

  1. Do you have nice furniture?
    1. Yes, quite nice, in fact.
    2. I have some nice furniture.
    3. I used to have nice furniture.
    4. Mitzie has nice furniture.  She sometimes lets me sit on it.

  2. Do you ever buy "people food" specifically for non-humans?
    1. Duh! That's why they sell "cat food?"
    2. Only on Felix's birthday.
    3. As treats or for health reasons.
    4. It's all "food," isn't it?
    5. I saw the looks on their faces the first time I gave them raw Kobe beef and I knew I was doing the right thing.

  3. Have you ever denied yourself to provide for a companion animal?
    1. No.  I'm the human.
    2. Yes, I run a pit bull rescue.
    3. Yes, to pay for lifesaving medical treatment.
    4. Yes, for special treats.
    5. Yes.
    6. I no longer have an independent existence identifiable as "self."  In fact, I'm not really comfortable saying "I."

  4. Do your friends think you are nuts for any animal-related reasons?
    1. No.
    2. They chuckle occasionally.
    3. Only when I start telling stories about Buster and his squirrels, or they see the leather ottoman I bought for Squishypie.
    4. Yes, all of them, all the time.
    5. Human friends?  Who cares?

  5. When an animal I live with destroys or damages something I…
    1. Dispassionately investigate and implement a reasonable and humane way to modify the animal's behavior or otherwise prevent such things from happening in the future.
    2. Grit my teeth, make plans as described in (a) but follow through poorly.
    3. Sigh, say to myself "Well, I did choose a predator as a pet," move my more valuable books to higher shelves.
    4. Chuckle and make half-hearted plans as described in (a).
    5. Say "awwww….." with a dumb smile on my face.  Do nothing else.
    6. Reward them.

  6. I feed my animals...
    1. Reasonably priced dry or canned foods available at grocery and pet stores.
    2. The "best" dry or canned foods available at grocery and pet stores.
    3. Individualized diets based on their age, health, breed and consultation with a reputable veterinarian who sees them regularly.
    4. A diet developed by 5th century breeders of fighting dogs in Poloma, even though I have only chinchillas and guinea pigs.
    5. Whatever they demand in that horrible recurring dream, set in a courtroom.

  7. Are your personal food choices influenced by sharing food with your companion animals?
    1. No.
    2. Rarely, as a treat.
    3. Yes, in that I sometimes make more of what I was going to have anyway, provided it's healthy for them.
    4. Often. They beg if I don't.
    5. Ya. I know. I'm a pushover.
    6. We all eat a diet developed by 5th century breeders of fighting dogs in Poloma.

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